According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “an estimated 31.1% of U.S. adults experience any
anxiety disorder at some time in their lives.” No matter the form it comes in, whether a panic disorder,
phobia, PTSD, or another form, it can interfere with your typical behaviors and daily life.

A commonly experienced form of prevalent anxiety is spiraling. Thoughts and feelings can pile up as you
begin to fixate on negative outcomes or emotional distress, causing a, “mental chatter [that]
concentrates our attention on our emotional distress and can send us into a downward spiral,” according
to Sally Lee of Columbia Magazine.

It also affects the way you might think or act, clouding your mind from reason and stability. How do you
find clarity when everything feels out of control?

There are steps you can take to find security within yourself and who you are—to feel grounded and
capable of processing your emotions in a healthy manner even amidst the uncertainty.

Finding security within yourself will help you create a sense of stability, even when you’re spiraling.

How you react is often an internal reflection of your coping mechanisms, and it is okay to still feel
uncertain. The goal is to reframe what your little voice would tell you and to allow your Big Voice to
provide an inner sense of stability, clarity, and some sense of control through how you react and cope
with a given situation. Lee would consider this reframing, “another way to gain perspective is to visualize
moving away from any upsetting scene in your imagination, like a camera zooming out.”

When you zoom out, you can get a better view of the objective reality around you and begin to separate
your subjective truths from the objective ones. Two things can be true at once: how you feel, and the
reality of a situation.

You’ll have to actively work to separate these two things, but reframing your thoughts to be more
grounded can help you train your brain to act secure despite whirlwind thoughts.

Here are a few different, common scenarios where anxiety and spiraling might show up, with steps you
can follow to help reframe the anxious thoughts of your little voice:

Your little voice says: bottle the anxiety or demand reassurance
Your Big Voice says: “I’m feeling anxious today. It’s not about you, but I wanted to let you know.”

Instead of listening to your little voice and hiding or bottling your anxiety and later acting weird or
demanding reassurance, you’re acknowledging and naming the feeling without making it someone else’s
problem to fix.

Bottling your emotions is never good—imagine you have a glass bottle inside you where you’re putting
your emotions. Only so many will fit, and over time, the bottle is bound to overflow or break with all of
the feelings you haven’t dealt with or allowed yourself to feel.

This reaction gives others context for your mood, without putting pressure on them or you. It helps you
practice transparency without being desperate for validation.

Your little voice says: send a lot of texts if they don’t reply, they’re ignoring you, demand attention
Your Big Voice says: “Can we connect later today? I miss you.”

Instead of listening to your little voice and asking for attention, sending multiple texts or asking why
someone hasn’t texted you back, you’re asking for connection without accusation.

It’s important to acknowledge that life is happening for everyone! When people don’t reply right away, it
often isn’t personal. They could be busy with work or hobbies, or need space to think, or maybe they feel
like disconnecting for a bit.

If you really want to talk with someone, just let them know that’s how you’re feeling, and that you miss
them. This removes the urgency behind connecting, and the accusation behind begging them for
attention.

A secure person is able to state their needs clearly. Anxiety can cause you to spiral into becoming
interrogative, so this approach is a good middle ground where you can practice honesty, transparency,
and have a calm delivery.

Your little voice says: tell them exactly how you feel without thinking through it
Your Big Voice says: “I need some space to clear my head.”

Instead of listening to your little voice and ruminating, overthinking, picking a fight, or emotion-dumping
without processing first, you’ll be able to self-soothe and allow yourself time to process your emotions,
collect your thoughts, and feel more level-headed without seeking external validation.

Taking space and time is not a weakness, but a strength. It’s a practice in patience and emotional
perseverance. It’s important to note here that how you react is a reflection of how you cope, and how
you cope is something you can control even if your thoughts are spiraling. It’s okay to lead with logic
sometimes.

The ability to regulate yourself shows emotional intelligence and maturity—that you can manage
yourself without feeling needy or relying on others to fix you.

Your little voice says: give me constant reassurance
Your Big Voice says: “I know we’re good, my brain is just loud right now.”

Instead of listening to your little voice and asking, “Are we okay?” or, “Do you still love me?” and asking
for constant reassurance, you can acknowledge the spiral without making someone else feel like they
have to constantly prove themselves.

Instead of projecting those insecurities and pressuring someone to meet an unrealistic standard of
constant reassurance, you’re simply letting them know that you’re struggling with

This shows self-awareness—you’re naming the anxiety and insecurities as something separate from the
reality of a given situation. You’re acting transparent again here, and showcasing your own sense of
security even in times of insecurity.

Your little voice says: everything is urgent
Your Big Voice says: Wait before sending an anxious text.

Instead of listening to your little voice telling you to submit to the feeling of urgency, sit with your
discomfort. Journal about it, talk things out with a friend, or make a note to bring it up in therapy.

Even when something feels urgent, urgency does not always equate to importance.

Give yourself an allotted amount of time that makes sense to you, like two hours, and sit with your
discomfort and anxiety. Actively take the aforementioned steps to work through and understand where
your anxiety comes from and what the situation really needs. You’ll find that if you sit with it for a couple
hours, the sense of urgency typically passes.

A secure person can tolerate uncertainty, and practicing security means practicing building that tolerance
even when it’s uncomfortable.

You don’t have to feel entirely secure to act secure—you just have to pause between feeling and
reacting. It’s okay to feel, and it’s safe for you to sit in your discomfort. Finding your sense of stability
during a spiral may be easier said than done, and it will take time and practice.

Honor anxiety without letting it drive behavior, and if you do need help with it, reach out to a trusted
friend or consider talking with a therapist about anxiety management so you can function freely and
securely!