You might have heard the term, “it takes a village,” before—typically, this is used in regards to raising
kids, but it can also correlate to life in general. In modern society, this expression and the idea of a village
more loosely translates to the notion of having a reliable community of loved ones involved in your life.

Having a village though, requires being a villager. This takes effort, as with any relationship. It requires
trust and maintenance, and it isn’t a one way street.

In this modern era of technological revolution and virtual connection, there’s a loss of third spaces and
in-person community creating a strange conundrum. Despite the tools and resources we have available
to remain connected, many are suffering from loneliness and social isolation.

At a primal level, humankind is a pack animal. We thrive best when we have a community to form
emotional, social connections with; a community that is reliable, supportive and aligns with our own
values.

The long-term health risks of too much loneliness and social isolation can be detrimental. According to a
study by the American Medical Association, reports of loneliness skyrocketed after the Covid-19
pandemic, and the effects of loneliness and social isolation must be taken seriously. It can lead to
heightened risks of:
● High blood pressure
● Heart disease
● Obesity
● Anxiety
● Depression
● Memory issues
● Death

Eating well, meditating, journaling and getting enough physical exercise won’t cut it—your body
physically needs connection to feel fulfilled and healthy. You need a community to help you feel like you
belong. You can manifest a village all you want, but without putting in the work, it won’t just materialize
before you. You have to be willing to be a villager to have the village you desire!

Beware of Social Isolation in Disguise
There’s a lot of rhetoric surrounding self-care that may potentially be social isolation in disguise and do
you more harm than good.

There’s this idea to prioritize yourself—and while you definitely should heal your people pleasing
tendencies and hold strong boundaries so people aren’t walking all over you—but it can potentially be
damaging to your relationships with others.

Some ideals with the potential to be dangerous or more isolating than helpful are the notions that you
can just cancel plans and stay in if you don’t feel like it, and that you don’t owe anyone anything.
It’s okay to cancel plans sometimes, but remember that people are relying on you. You still owe people
kindness and respect for their time. If you want to have a reliable village, you’ll have to be a reliable
villager and show up where it counts.

With the amount of technology at our fingertips, people are often separated by screens, too. We replace
face-to-face hangout sessions with doomscrolling, and lack third spaces to enjoy being in the physical
presence of others with. It’s easy to hide, but today’s mode of maintaining connection still seems to lead
to feelings of disconnect.

The art of creating community is becoming lost in the modern day, so it’s imperative that we shift our
focus on being a villager to create a community.

How To Be a Better Villager
Being a better villager doesn’t mean ditching your values or pushing your own wants and needs to the
side, but finding balance between being reliable and knowing you have the support of people who are
reliable in return.

Having a community isn’t a popularity contest—it’s not about being well known, but rather, being
someone worth knowing. This could mean being supportive, emotionally mature, understanding,
insightful, empathetic or something else. These are the qualities that help make you a good person to
know!

In your everyday life, work to limit the time you spend on screens, whether it be your TV, phone or
computer. Make your presence a priority in the moment. Try shopping locally and getting to know local
shop owners to show fellow community members support, or greet and smile at people on the street!
Being attentive in public spaces is great for your own self-awareness, but also shows your openness to
connection and your overall approachability.

Joining clubs that match your hobbies will help you to connect with like-minded people, such as a book
club. You can also take a creative class such as a paint and sip night or a cooking class and chat with
people around you who are in the class too! Even volunteering somewhere local can be a fantastic way
to give back and connect with the community. These are great ideas for beginning to build a village or
just meeting new people who align with you.

Doing things that help out others, like cleaning or cooking for a friend who might need it is a great way to show up. If someone is going through an illness, a birth, or death of a loved one, acts of service are a
nice way to show that you’re looking out for them. Checking in just because is also a good way to be
supportive! Reaching out first, even when you haven’t heard from someone in a while, is a simple
reminder to others that you’re still there and care—sometimes it’s hard for people to reach out when
things aren’t going well.

Another great idea to be a villager is by hosting. This could be a potluck or a dinner party that gets
everyone involved, or some kind of routine get-together. A University of Oxford study titled Social eating
connects communities found that, “communal eating increases social bonding and feelings of wellbeing,
and enhances one’s sense of contentedness and embedding within the community.” It could even be
something simpler, like getting together for tea and a sweet treat—but communal eating is a wonderful
way to help people feel like they’re part of your village.

Be vulnerable and ask for things when you need them, like space or extra support, or share your story. It
can help others feel comfortable to take the space to do that themselves.
Being a good villager isn’t about being perfect or always being your best self. It’s about effort and
showing up to be there—whether you’re tired, stressed, late, or dealing with something else, put in the
effort to show up anyway. Sometimes, it’s just about being there at all, and being someone people know
they can reach out to for help, a word of advice, for a cup of sugar when they forget it at the store, to let
their dogs outside if they can’t get home in time, and for support through the big and little happy or sad
moments of life.